Schrodingers Immigrant or Dick's Indeterminac........a Brechtian Comedy

“Sometimes it's more important to be human, than to have good taste”. Bertolt Brecht

The scene opens in a pub in the Neath Valley. Dick, Benjy and Gareth are discussing election strategy. They are concerned that the ordinary voter is being led astray. They have just heard the latest policy idea from the UKIP`s central committee in Essex

A UKIP spokesman has declared that the observation was true until proved otherwise. They said that until immigrants were directly observed they could not comment and that there was a dire need for further studies on the phenomenon.

UKIP’s Caroline Jones explained, “These people clearly need further observation. EU bureaucrats in Brussels have somehow introduced ambiguous and confusing red tape that threatens our widely held lazy stereotypes.”

Dick comments “Some bloke down the pub who knows – for definite – told me that Romanians in particular have been stealing his job, and if that’s not bad enough, they’re also too lazy to work because they’re all on the dole.”

Young Benjy said “So it’s tricky.” “They need to be studied extensively, secure and in isolation for a prolonged period of time for objective results. Many people are surprised how closely these scientific conditions resemble a prison cell in Strangeways.”

Neath Green party tried to verify these allegations with several migrant workers, though all claimed to be unable to follow `Dicks` line of thinking.

One worker who wished to remain anonymous stated, “He is stupid prick, yes?”

Gareth said that he fully supported UKIP’s latest thought experiment. He knows a bloke who told him the following. His mate a Mr Bush.

“I employ a couple of Europeans, yes. And sure, they certainly put a shift in when they’re at work. But they could equally be at home at the same time being lazy and claiming benefits, couldn’t they?”

“I don’t see what the issue is?”

Then Benjy experiences a epiphany. ”I have the perfect proof of a Schrodingers immigrant, there is this old woman, she is 90, they say she lives in the Melin. Her names Mrs Saxe-Coberg-Gotha. Her family are migrants from Hanover and she married to a Greek Bloke. They have numerous houses paid for by the Benefits Agency and they took our Monarchs job. They have a large family. She got five great grand children. That will show those bastards in Neath Port Talbot Green Party how clever we are .”

Dick says “That's brilliant Benjy. What's next on the agenda?

Benjy replies “Some bloke called Councillor Carl wants us all to vote for him in the Constituency vote and then he promises he will get his100,000 voters to support us in the Regional vote. That means we will win all four seats in South Wales West. He must know what he is talking about he's said the same thing to all the political parties!”

Dick states “This cunning plan will really piss off the tree huggers.....”

Gareth says “I don't think that's a good idea...”

Dick shouts at Gareth “Shut up Gareth you have been talking to that Neil Shrewsbury on Facebook too much. I will report you to UKIP Central Committee in Essex... I mean Cardiff...”

The scene ends as Councillor Carl enters the meeting.....

Carl smiles at them and says “I met this bloke in a pub in Anglesey. He told me he was the AM and said his party was both pro and anti Nuclear at the same time. Nice young bloke said his name was Rhun. He also told me that locally his party had a councillor in Godre'rgraig who voted in favour of fracking but was really against it. Let me explain.........”

A man enters from the left. He is in his late fifties and is wearing a hat. He enters the pub and tells this story to the audience.

“There was a banker, a migrant and an ordinary voter sitting at a table. On the table was a plate with twenty biscuits on it. The banker takes nineteen of them and shouted over at the ordinary voter. `hey that migrant is after your biscuit`“