The Bully Revisited or why Bullies accuse others of bullying them......

Its not often that I am drawn to defend perceptions of myself that are out there. I notice that a certain serial party member is accusing me of being a bully. As someone who works with the victims of bullies and was myself a victim of it. I feel I must put out there some interesting facts. I notice that often a bully accuses those who stand up to them of being a bully themselves. However I note that the serial pattern of accusation puts me in the company of the distinguished former MP Julie Morgan. The accuser Ms Greagsby at the time of the accusation was working for the former MP as a party worker managing face to face contact with the Public. I find this a little odd and surprising but I leave the speculation up to you.

Please examine the screen shot below and come to yout own conclusions. ms Greagsby has found bullies in the Labour Party, the Green party and I am sure that soon she will soon find them in Plaid. She still has the Liberal Democrats to work through and I also hear that many campaigning organisations have excluded her as well......

Bullies are often unaware of their behaviour and the impact they are having on others. They projected their unacknowledged, and unwanted, anxieties on to colleagues. They deny those feelings once belonged to themselves and claim someone else (the victim) has them.

But when aggression is projected outwards it can round back on itself in a persecutory manner. Being in denial, the bully then feels persecuted by the anxieties which he, or she, projected on to the victim.

In the ‘eyes' of the bully - the victim becomes ‘the bully’. Bully and victim appear to have switched roles. This can seem very confusing for mediators and others trying to resolve the conflict. Notice in these election results how far behind the other Labour candidates by voting order. It must be a simple equation of her natural warmth and empathy.......

The serial bully displays behaviour congruent with many of the diagnostic criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Characterised by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity and self-importance, need for admiration, and lack of empathy, people with narcissistic personality disorder overestimate their abilities and inflate their accomplishments, often appearing boastful and pretentious, whilst correspondingly underestimating and devaluing the achievements and accomplishments of others.Narcissists react angrily to criticism and when rejected, the narcissist will often denounce the profession which has rejected them (usually for lack of competence or misdeed) but simultaneously and paradoxically represent themselves as belonging to the profession they are vilifying I would also warn a certain young man who is in danger of following Ms Greagsby to the dark side of the force to be very careful. 

Fragile self-esteem, a need for constant attention and admiration, fishing for compliments (often with great charm), an expectation of superior entitlement, expecting others to defer to them, and a lack of sensitivity especially when others do not react in the expected manner, are also hallmarks of the disorder. Greed, expecting to receive before and above the needs of others, overworking those around them, and forming romantic (sic) or sexual relationships for the purpose of advancing their purpose or career, abusing special privileges and squandering extra resources also feature.

People with narcissistic personality disorder also have difficulty recognizing the needs and feelings of others, and are dismissive, contemptuous and impatient when others share or discuss their concerns or problems. They are also oblivious to the hurtfulness of their behaviour or remarks, show an emotional coldness and a lack of reciprocal interest, exhibit envy (especially when others are accorded recognition), have an arrogant, disdainful and patronizing attitude, and are quick to blame and criticise others when their needs and expectations are not met.

but it is possible to observe the following traits in an individual who accuses their victims of bullying them.

 A pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, lack of empathy, as indicated by at least five of:

1. a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement, i.e. unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
6. is interpersonally exploitative, i.e. takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
7. lacks empathy and is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8. is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes

It is sad when this happens. It leaves a disturbing atmosphere. Over my 25 years in practice I have often witnessed this in relationships in workplaces, in institutions and within political organisations, charities and campaigning groups. I feel a revulsion this morning after reading of the events within the Conservative Party. However any organisation that places the market at the centre of all decisions and values makes   bullying its reason to be. You see bullying on the faces of the well fed Tory Mps, you see it on the stock exchange. Look outward Ashley and Ms Greagsby because if  instead you both look into the mirror then you will see a pair of bullies look back.

I