The Two Houses Dream
This dream comes from a period of about four to five years ago. do excuse my indulgence. it is an attempt to integrate two competing themes in my life. it comes from a period prior to my second incarnation asa political activist. It was writeen for a gestalt Therapy course that I was attending.
I have to choose between a modern house made almost entirely of glass situated in open country at the summit of a hill top and a small comfortable cottage by the sea against which the waves beat fiercely in stormy weather. This dream has been a theme for me for well over thirty years. I have always seen in as representing a tension between by public self (9 particularly during the time I led the Wales Green party between 2001 and 2007)
I decided to try retelling the dream as recommended by Perls( Gestalt therapy Verbatim) to b=ring it into the here and now of the field and to examine clearly the fore ground and enabling bracketing to deal with my Jungian head fix!.This is how I retold the dream in the present tense
“,I have to choose between two houses one made almost wholly out of glass, situated on a hill top, and one on the beach by the sea built of stone with tiny windows. I am inclined to choose the former, as it is light and airy and has a marvellous view over the valley and sea. It would be perfect in Summer in brilliant weather as there are no other houses around, but in winter it might be cold, exposed and rather frightening and not very stable on a windy day. The other house is far too near the sea for comfort and I cannot help feeling that although it looks sturdy enough, an angry sea would easily knock it down”
Simply telling the dream in this wat makes clear to me something I had not noticed before, namely that it is an “angry” sea which threatens to destroy the cottage on the beach, in other words the repressed emotions I fear will wreck peaceful situations namely both anger and love.. So in order to probe more deeply I give voice in the field to both the sea and the house on the beach.
The house says:
“I am the house on the beach. I am v=wry old and very strong. I have thick sturdy walls am very strong. But although I have withstood the onset of the sea so far, wet rot has set in at my foundations and I am in grave danger of collapse, I do my best to protect those within me. Yet within in me is an extended family, so many of them. When the sea strikes my walls, they close the curtains, drink wine and eat and sing old songs of the old religion around the fire .,. In this way they drown out the noise of the waves and forget the danger”
The sea says:
“I am the sea. When I am calm I wash gently up an down the beach, and I don’t threaten the little house at all. But when a storm rises and my waves are ripped into a frenzy by the wind , I wish that little house e was not there because I cant let myself go without hurting it. The house need not be on the beach at all the beach is mine and |I need the space to roll over. I don’t want to destroy the house or the people in it but they are in my world not in theirs. I try to hold myself back for their sake, but this is not good for me. I need to dance and fling myself about and express myself in vigorous movements, A sea cant always be calm-its not in my nature. And when I am stirred up above all I need space”
Already a new insight had justt emerged . My fear is that the emotions , whose expression is essential to my well being , will prove too strong for anyone ( myself included) who tries to contain them in a peaceful restricted atmospjere. There is an immediate “existential message” as Perls called it that in a domestic situation emotions are too scary to be allowed true expression.. The people in the house want a “nice” cosy romantic view of the sea and the wind but not really to come into direct contact with it.. The denial of the fierce emotions avoid anger and see them as evil nut they also deny joy , sexual feelings and even grief..
This came out even more clearly when I acted out and recorded the dialogue between the people in the house on the beach and the sea. As I took the part of the family , my voice changed and I spoke in the tones my mother and other critical voices, reproaching the sea for getting stirred up . What they wanted was a sea that lapped gently on the beach rising and falling with each tide but never touching the house. Obviously there is part of me which fears the strong emotions but equally the sea itself is part of me which in the dialogue simply wants to dance, roll and splash with the wind:
“ I am not destructive , I just need space. You interpret my movement as destructive because I bash against your walls. But if you build your hose away from the beach you would see exactly the same movements as a dance. I have suffered agonies trying to hold myself back from destroying you house ; nut this kills me and I cant hold myself back for ever”
Perls wrote “ Emotions are not a nuisance to be discharged . The emotions* are the most important motors of our behaviour; emotion in the wildest sense -whatever you feel_the waiting , the joy. The hunger...emotional excitement mobilisers the muscles ...You cant imagine anger without muscular movement . You cant imagine joy which is more or less identical with dancing.. In grief there is sobbing and crying , and in sex are certain movements as you all know..
And these muscles are used to move about , to take from the world , to touch the world, to be in contact , to be in touch” ( Gestalt Therapy Verbatim)
Perls was arguing that if these emotions were denied their proper physical expression that they lead to a state of anxiety where the person (myself) becomes desensitised and loses sensuous awareness of sight< sound, taste, smell and touch is dulled, and the individual becomes closed and frigid. The purpose was to restore me to full passionate life..
The voices of my mother and others spoke in high moralistic and condemnatory tones whenever my emotions expressed themselves as the top dog in my personality.( Joyce “ Skill in Gestalt Therapy pp 101) . Top dog is righteous and authoritarian , she knows best. Her favourite words are ought and should . In my “two house” dream it might be “You will destroy those who love you and yourself if you express these emotions* . These voices which have have become internalised nag me to calm down and keep the peace. And criticises me as destructive and be someone who should be ashamed of myself.
The recipient of this internal criticism is the ^underdog ( Joyce p 101) in Gestalt terms . In my case I would attempt to dam my emotions which would be be released with more vehemence later.. Perls ( Gestalt Therapy Verbatim) called Top Dog and Under Dog the “two clowns of the personality” ( Perls p 125) , constantly outing out this tension below the surface of my awareness.. Both clowns strove within me dissipating the energy that would be used for constructive and positive living . The aim is to reduce both the power of the Top Dog and Under Dog to limit the effects of what My Mother and other critics wanted me to . be,
Perls argued all elements were important in the field of the dream as all were interconnected. I noticed that into my dialogue between the house , the people and the sea and I had not worked with the wind without whom the sea would be a placid thing. So I gave voice to the wind and the result was distinctly surprising:
“ I am the wind. I am not sure where I came from but I feel I am the breath of the Goddess moving over the face of the waters . I am Elohimm . I am Lilith and I caused the waters to dance with life. Its silly for peoplr to call me destructive if the people insist on building a house on the beach. And you Martyn if you insist on building your house on the hill that’s just as silly. Because you have forgotten how powerful and elemental I am . A better place for the house would be halfway between the hill summit and the beach. You could listen to my voice and the voice of my lover the sea. And you could power the house with a wind farm to harness some of my energy, But I could never be tamed or controlled by your reason and rationality.”
Here is another existential message, namely that the energy of my emotions ( the wind on the sea) is the same life giving force which permeates the whole of nature and inspires creative emotion and insight . Consequently it would just be as foolish to immerse myself in academic intellectualism as to devote my life to be f safe and normal in the domesticity that my mother and firmer wife desired before me . In either case , the wind, far from becoming a source of creative energy , would merely become a nuisance , disturbing my rigid controlled life. While the creative life I desire must be open to uncertainty
The relationship between myself and my lover best friend has elements of the wind and the rage sea and we are at present trying to “locate and build” a mares of living between these two extremes of the two houses.. In either case the future is exciting, uncertain but powerfully alive..
Gestalt Therapy Verbatim Frederick S. Perls
Skills in Gestalt Therapy : Counselling and Psychotherapy Joyce, P. Sills, C. Sage publications
No comments:
Post a Comment